17 Ways To Keep Your Mind Off Divorce
Just because you’re going through divorce doesn’t mean you have to think about it 24/7 – nor should you! Ruminating and worrying won’t solve your problems. In fact, these runaway thoughts will cause new woes by keeping you up at night, causing you to be reactive, and keeping you from being fully present. Here are 17 ways to ground yourself so you can keep your mind off divorce.
Use mindfulness hacks. Get a deck of mindfulness cards and follow the prompts to help you focus on what is actually going on, instead of what you’re worried about. Draw a different card each morning to start your day on the right foot.
Do grounding exercises. Slow down racing thoughts by utilizing techniques that ground you in the present. Here’s one to practice when you catch yourself ruminating: snap your fingers as you look around the room, and name the objects you see, and their colors – “blue vase, yellow flower, red couch” – as fast as you can. This exercise will move you out of your thoughts and into the moment.
Follow a divorce curfew. Cease all divorce-related activity (included talking about it) by 8 pm. Do something soothing and pleasurable if you can. This will give your nervous system time to wind down so you can get a restful sleep.
Stop venting. Does your divorce dominate your conversations? Are you even wearing out your therapist? Chronically re-playing every terrible thing your ex has done, or worrying about what they might do, will keep you feeling victimized, depressed and anxious. Talk about other things instead!
Read about other things. Yes, reading about divorce and toxic exes is helpful – but to a point. If all the news you’re consuming is about divorce, it will be hard to get your mind off it! So expand your mind by choosing your reading material wisely.
Talk to friends about their lives. Don’t be an emotional vampire! Your loved ones are there to support you, not to indulge you in long, one-way conversations about your problems. Inquiring about and listening to what’s going on in your friend’s life will help you get your mind off yours.
Get creative. A great way to stop thinking about your divorce is to do something creative: cooking, gardening, playing music, crafting, writing. The act of making something will help ground you, focus your thoughts away from your problems, and shift your mood to a sense of accomplishment.
Connect with others. Divorce is destabilizing because your connection to your spouse, family structure, and perhaps your lifestyle, is severed. Connecting with friends, loved ones, and opportunities in your community will help you feel less frightened and alone. To connect with others going through divorce, join our private divorce support group on Facebook!
Write a personal mission statement. Get clear on the direction of your post-divorce life by writing a new, personal mission statement. What are your values? What actions do you plan to take to align with those values? Having a “road map” will give you a sense of purpose and stability.
Exercise. Exercise is nature’s mood stabilizer, so make sure you get plenty. Don’t worry if you don’t have time or money to get to the gym; even walking a half hour a day will provide bilateral stimulation that will activate and integrate the brain’s two hemispheres and lower anxiety.
Eat right. Losing weight on the “divorce diet” or, conversely, drowning your sorrows in Ben and Jerry’s, will wreak havoc on your nervous system. You’ll feel and function better by eating well-balanced meals (even if they’re small) at regular intervals.
Practice good sleep hygiene. Battling insomnia? Develop a routine to help you sleep soundly. Go to bed at the same time, even if you don’t feel tired. Get off screens at least an hour before. Don’t eat anything two hours before so that your digestive system doesn’t get overtaxed and wake you up in the middle of the night. Read, watch TV, or listen to a guided sleep meditation so you can relax and nod off.
Take a trip. If you have kids, you probably won’t be able to “eat, pray, love” yourself out of your divorce blues – but that doesn’t mean you can’t take a quick jaunt to a different locale, and a fresh perspective.
Put yourself in new situations. Don’t have the time or budget for a vacation? You can still expand your horizons by doing things you didn’t do when you were married: join a meet-up group, take a nature hike, and say “yes” to as many opportunities as you can.
Thought dump. Get your mind off your divorce by free-writing your thoughts. Keep a journal by your bedside and “dump” the early morning scaries so that you can start your day fresh.
Try somatic therapy. If you’re prone to ruminating, try an alternative to traditional talk therapy. Somatic therapy incorporates body-based techniques such as breathing and movement so that you learn to interrupt negative thought patterns and stay with what is actually happening.
Do breathing techniques. The quickest and cheapest way to activate your parasympathetic nervous system (the part of the brain that calms you down) is to practice diaphragmatic breathing. Count your inhalations and exhalations (in for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4), feeling your belly expand and contract as you do so. Use this technique throughout the day whenever you feel uneasy.
Bonus Tip: Learning to ground yourself and shift your focus will get you headed in the right direction. Keep on going by creating a vision board to manifest your best post-divorce life!
When divorce IS on your mind, get answers to all your burning questions through our Ask a Divorce Question or join us on Facebook to get instant feedback and support. Divorce Coffee House is your community in divorce! You don’t need to go through the divorce process alone.