How To Mentally Prepare for Your Divorce Attorney Consultation
Emotions run high as you prepare for divorce, and you may be overwhelmed by unknowns. Will you have enough money? Will you be able to stay in the house? How often will you see your kids? Your first meeting with a family law attorney will shed light on all of those questions – but only if you’re mentally prepared. So here are some key do’s and don’ts to make sure you have a clear head during that all-important divorce attorney consultation.
Do: Prepare your financial picture
At your consultation, it’s appropriate to ask about things like whether or not you can get alimony and child support (if you have kids) and to gain understanding of what your split of marital assets may look like. The attorney won’t be able to give you a specific answers unless you can provide proper documentation of your finances (income + assets). Generally, you want to bring with you copies of your past two years of tax returns (and W2’s for two years), bank statements, brokerage statements, retirement account statements, and the deed from your house if you own one.
To help the attorney give you a reasonable estimate for what you are likely to receive or pay out, organize your paper records in a folder or scan the documents and convert to a PDF. You can also list all these amounts into a single Word doc or spreadsheet for at-a-glance ease.
Do: Prepare a list of questions
It’s important to understand the divorce process and what to expect in your situation, so come in ready to ask about the process of divorce from filing for separation to final judgment. What are the attorney’s thoughts on how your divorce will proceed? How long might your divorce take? What sticking points might you encounter? How can you best save money and time in your divorce? What are your best case scenarios for child custody?
You also need to know about what working with the attorney will entail. Ask about billing: How much is the attorney’s retainer? What is their hourly rate? Can any of their work be delegated to associates that have a lower rate? Make sure you know what to expect from your attorney in terms of communication: Do they prefer email? What is their policy returning phone calls? Can you text? Should you reach out to their paralegal first? How are you billed for communication? Take notes throughout the consultation so you’re able to make an informed decision about whether or not to retain the attorney.
Do: Find out what kind of divorce you need
Your Aunt Sally’s divorce in Arizona in 1995 has nothing to do with yours, so legal advice she may try to pass on to you — however well-meaning — could be completely irrelevant to your situation. And that means that if you follow it, you could be making a huge mistake. For instance, if Aunt Sally was a stay-at-home mom with a middle-class amicable ex, and you’ve been the breadwinner married to a narcissist who lives off family money, you will likely require a very different strategy in your divorce.
At your consultation, ask your attorney to explain the variations among mediation, collaborative divorce, VSCs (voluntary settlement conferences) and litigation — and which of these might be best suited for resolving your issues. Your follow up question to the attorney should be: Are you skilled in the type of divorce I need?
Don’t: Go in with a list of demands
Your consultation is an opportunity to learn about your legal rights as a way to help you create realistic goals for the outcome of your divorce. Being rigid in your demands from the get go can quickly lead to a divorce disaster. For example, in most family situations, the courts will attempt to split custody of the children as close as 50/50 between parents as possible. If you go into your consultation with the demand that you want full custody of your children and will only retain the attorney if they agree to pursue this course of action, you are probably in for a lot of frustration — and wasted money and time. Rather than show up at the consult with demands, show up ready to learn about how to set achievable goals that will still be satisfying to you.
Don’t: Treat the consultation like a therapy session
Lawyers are trained to provide legal counsel, not offer emotional support or teach you coping skills. They can’t diagnose your soon-to-be-ex or teach you how to manage your anxiety. The more time you spend venting during that first consultation, the less time you will have to gather vital information. Here’s the truth: clients who show up for appointments in an emotionally overwrought state only make their attorney’s job harder. If you find your emotions are unraveling, see a therapist before you see an attorney!
Following these do’s and don’ts is the best thing you can do to be mentally prepared for your divorce attorney consultation and get your divorce headed in the right direction!
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