Divorce 3 AM ‘Scaries’ Keeping You Up? Coping With Fearful Thinking In Divorce
Are you waking up every night with the 3 a.m. divorce scaries? Can’t fall back to sleep because you’re too busy anticipating your ex’s next dastardly legal move, or wondering how you will ever survive the co-parenting years with your finances and your sanity intact? Well, fret no longer! Learn to cope with fearful thinking in divorce by implementing these key panic-taming strategies.
Give yourself a divorce curfew
Take control of your panic by installing emotional boundaries. Don’t do anything divorce-related after 8 pm. That means no reading legal documents, no googling divorce tips, no emailing your ex, no kvetching on the phone with friends. Focusing on your divorce at night will activate your nervous system at the very time it needs to calm down. So protect your evening and sleep hours by shifting your focus to other activities, such as reading a bedtime story to your kids, or ending the evening with a soothing bath.
Prioritize good nutrition and sleep
If you’re not eating and sleeping properly, you will hijack your nervous system and feel depressed and even more anxious than you already are. Eat regular, small, nutrition-packed snacks if you’re too overwhelmed to consume normal-sized meals. Maintain sleep hygiene by going to bed at the same time every night and getting off electronics at least an hour beforehand. Too unsettled for slumber? Try listening to a white noise machine or a sleep meditation app (as long as you don’t stare at the screen). If you’re truly plagued by insomnia, consult with your doctor for sleep medication.
Start your morning right
Don’t get out of bed on the wrong foot! If your intention is to worry less and banish fearful thinking, take actions that align with that goal. Begin the morning with 5-10 rounds of diaphragmatic breathing to regulate your nervous system. Do a “brain dump” and jot down in a journal the first thoughts that come to you; this will help you process both good and bad feelings to clear your mind. After this, try some inspirational reading or a few moments of meditation. You’ll find that beginning your day on a positive note sets the tone for the rest.
Calm your nervous system
Regulating your nervous system is an essential first step to managing fearful thinking in divorce. Keep a variety of panic-reducers in your toolbox to utilize when you catch yourself spiraling into despair. A lavender essential oil diffuser, magnesium foot baths, soothing music, chamomile tea, grounding stones, and meditation apps are all inexpensive, healthy go-to’s that will help you calm down.
Challenge your thoughts
Your thoughts shape your mood. If you’re prone to cognitive distortions such as catastrophic thinking, overgeneralization, and discounting the positive, how do you think you’re going to feel much of the time? Take charge of your mood by challenging the way you think. A CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) therapist can teach you cognitive restructuring skills that have been shown to improve depression and anxiety. If you’re short on funds, go the DIY route with a CBT workbook. Even better, do these exercises at night for a restful sleep!
Avoid the “easy fix” of alcohol
If you rely on alcohol to calm down, be aware that drinking too much will interfere with your sleep, dampen your mood, and cloud your judgment. Avoid this “easy fix” that ultimately causes more problems than it solves! Practicing these mindful strategies will take more effort than having a drink, but the results will turn your post-divorce life around.
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