What Men Regret About Their Divorce

With the stakes so high in divorce, you don’t want to look back months or even years from now with regret over the choices you made. Divorce is something you want to get right the first time around! Before you make decisions that have truly life-altering consequences, give some serious thought to common men’s divorce regrets. Once you know what they are, you’re in a much better position to get through your own divorce regret-free.

Top 4 Men’s Divorce Regrets

Not Setting Clear Boundaries

Men that feel guilty about the mistakes they made during the marriage may try to “atone” by over-accommodating a controlling ex. If you find yourself hesitant to set clear limits and expectations with your former spouse, you may wind up regretting your financial and custody agreements. Your ex deserves a fair settlement and custody arrangement – but so do you! Don’t fall into the trap of believing that if you just appease a domineering ex enough, they will eventually calm down. More often, they will become even more drunk on entitlement and bulldoze you into submission. Learn to tolerate the anxiety of “good conflict” by stating your needs and wants clearly and appropriately.

Wasting Money

Another #1 thing men regret about divorce is spending lots of money during the process without much return on investment. Very few people need to hire a shark attorney. The main skill these kinds of lawyers have is finding creative ways to extract more money from your bank account. Also, think long and hard before you go before a judge, who may not agree with you no matter how compelling your case. The only thing guaranteed in family court are answers (not justice), and more money spent. If at all possible, try to settle out of court – it’s a money and time saver!

Acting Out of Anger

Many men feel more comfortable expressing anger than leaning into vulnerable emotions such as sadness and fear. Giving in to anger may make you feel more powerful in the moment, but the truth is, unmanaged rage means your emotions are controlling you. Seeking revenge blindsides you to the real and lasting negative impact on your children’s well-being. Remember that bullying your ex will cause stress and trauma that may impact their ability to properly care for your children. If you want to be a “real man,” show your kids how to handle conflict in a mature fashion by respecting their other parent and being willing to put the past behind you.

Not Learning How To Be A Good Co-Parent

It does not matter how much you hate your ex: your kids do not deserve to hear their other parent bad-mouthed or feel pressured to take sides. Trying to “win” the battle over children will cause mental health problems and set them up for high-conflict dynamics in their own relationships. Many men come to regret the years spent waging war via hostile communication and not managing anger in front of their children. If you find that you’re fixated on blaming your ex, see a divorce therapist to learn how to co-parent well.

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