5 Tips For Getting Through Your First Solo Holidays After Divorce
It’s your first holiday season alone since your divorce, and all you can think about is that your family no longer looks like it did on last year’s holiday card. Spending this festive time alone is likely to make you feel blue, but difficult feelings are to be expected. It’s how you manage them that counts. Here are 5 tips to get you through your first solo holidays.
Keep the magic of the holidays alive
You want to keep things fun for your children, but why not enjoy the season yourself? Brightening your home with twinkle lights and scented candles will elevate your mood. And if you had to participate in holiday traditions of your ex’s that you didn’t like, guess what! You don’t have to anymore!
Make a plan for when you’re alone
Worried about the inevitable let-down when your kids leave mid-day on Christmas mid-day to celebrate at your co-parent’s? Dreading the entire week when you’ll be without them over their winter break? Change your perspective. You have time to enjoy the holiday grown-up style, whether that’s throwing a cocktail party, taking a ski weekend with other single friends, or visiting family — in person or on Zoom. If finances allow, consider a spa weekend to rejuvenate.
Be of service
The best way to keep your mind from dwelling on your own problems during these first holidays after divorce is to focus on those less fortunate. If you dread being without your kids on Christmas morning, or any other time during the holidays, there are plenty of people and organizations who need your help. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, hand out toys at your local YMCA, stock shelves at community refrigerators, help rescue pets find homes, or clear weeds at a nature conservancy – these are just a few ideas to get you out of “stinking thinking” and into service.
Practice gratitude
Ruminating about how awful it is to be single and splitting time with your kids on the holidays will just make you feel worse, and accentuate your problems. However bad you think your situation is, someone else has it worse! The antidote to self-pity is gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal everyday during the holidays and write down 5 things you appreciate, even if they’re as small as a hot shower. When you catch yourself feeling glum, take out your journal and read what you’ve written to ignite an abundance mindset.
Set New Year’s Intentions
Don’t like how your newly divorced life is going? If you focus on not having the externals you used to have – house, money, spouse, lifestyle, full-time parenting – you will be miserable. People think having all these things will make them happy, but let’s be honest: you probably weren’t happy before if you ended up divorced. People are most content when they live in integrity: aligning their actions with their values. So set some intentions that don’t focus on an outcome, but rather what is truly important to you, such as family, financial stability, community, adventure, learning.
Finally, don’t believe all the curated holiday cheer on your social media is really what it appears. Some of those “Norman Rockwell” families have more problems than you know. During these first solo holidays after divorce, take this time to improve your relationship with yourself so you can eventually have a fulfilling partnership with someone new, if that’s what you choose.
Our Divorce Coffee House is open 24/7, including holidays! Get answers to all your burning questions through our Ask a Divorce Question or join our vibrant (and completely private!) Facebook group to get instant feedback and support. Divorce Coffee House is your community in divorce! You don’t need to go through the divorce process alone.