You’ve Decided To Divorce. What Do You Do Next?
A member of our Divorce Coffee House Facebook group recently asked a great question that we know so many others have once they’ve decided to divorce: What steps do you take next?
Here’s our answer:
As soon as you are certain that you want a divorce — or your spouse has announced to you that they want one — our key advice is prepare, prepare, prepare! Doing your homework and figuring out your own path forward is what’s going to put you in a calmer frame of mind when it actually comes time to tell your children and file papers and begin your next chapter.
You can break down divorce preparation into a few key action steps.
Financial
Make a folder of tax returns, bank statements, mortgage statements, credit cards bills, monthly living expenses. This info is important for determining alimony and child support (both can be given after spouses separate) and it also matters for asset division during your actual divorce. It’s also helpful to create a budget of what your current lifestyle entails during your marriage. This can be used for forecasting support needs.
Emotional
Get into the right headspace for keeping conflict to a minimum in your divorce. Low conflict divorce is faster and less stressful — and less costly! Learn how to separate the big emotions that divorce stirs up from the more cut and dry legal process, and keep these boundaries in place. To establish peaceful co-parenting, start thinking of your spouse more like a colleague with whom you need to collaborate with on a project — the project of raising a happy, resilient kid. Some people are better at emotional regulation during the ups and downs of divorce than others. Most people going through a divorce benefit from talking to a therapist. This is also a good time to start self care practices like journaling, meditation and exercising to clear your mind.
Legal
The divorce legal process is a critical piece to all of this, and you don’t want to jump into your divorce without learning as much as you can about what to expect — from filing through to receiving your divorce decree. Check out our on-demand divorce courses to help you learn the basics. You can also make a consultation appointment with an attorney to get feedback on your situation and understand the steps to divorce in your state.
What questions are on your mind as you go to divorce? Get answers through our Ask a Divorce Question or join us on Facebook to get instant feedback and support. Divorce Coffee House is your community in divorce! You don’t need to go through the divorce process alone.