How Women Can Emotionally Prepare For Divorce

Women need sound legal and financial advice to weather divorce, but they also must emotionally prepare for the profound changes to come. If you’ve based your identity around being a wife, running a household, and raising children, you will need to redefine yourself in ways that fit your new circumstances. Going through the divorce process is inherently destabilizing, so make sure to bolster yourself before you begin.

It’s time to put your oxygen masks on, ladies! Taking care of your mental health is essential in order to help your children and model how to overcome adversity. Here are 5 must-dos to get you emotionally ready for divorce.

5 Ways To Emotionally Prepare For Divorce

See a divorce therapist or divorce coach

Both of these professionals can guide you through divorce, but they work in different ways. Therapists educate you about the stages of grief, help you process painful feelings, and give you “what to say” tips for communicating with your ex and your kids. Coaches focus on goals, not emotions; they’ll walk you through the divorce process, connect you with other divorce professionals, and may accompany you to mediation or collaborative divorce procedures. In other words, choose a therapist if you want a safe space to work through feelings, and choose a coach if you want motivation and strategies.

Understand the stages of grief

You will need to mourn multiple losses as you go through divorce: your identity, your original vision of your future, and possibly your home and your lifestyle. Recognizing the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – will help you understand the cascade of overwhelming emotions. Don’t expect to cycle through these stages in a linear fashion. It’s common to think you’re “done” with one stage only to have it rear its head again. Learning what to expect will help normalize your experience.

Create a self-care plan

Don’t wait till you’re burned out to figure out how to cope. Going into divorce with a self-care strategy will help you function so you can make good decisions. A therapist or coach can help you formulate a plan, but you can also put one together on your own. Proper sleep hygiene and nutrition are critical, as are exercise, breathing techniques, and other methods for purposely disengaging from conflict. First on your self care list? Prioritize learning how to activate your parasympathetic nervous system: the part of the brain that helps you calm down. The easiest and quickest way to do this is to learn diaphragmatic breathing. Mindfulness meditation and grounding exercises will also help you get out of the reactive fight/flight/freeze modes.

Choose your emotional support team wisely

Women typically lean on friends and family for support, but make sure you choose the best people to unload on! Venting to those who fuel your fear and anger, even though they may be well-intentioned, will only compound your anxiety. You also don’t want to dwell so much on your problems that the people you count on start to avoid you and your relationships become fractured. Where should you go for moral support? Try a divorce community of people going through similar situations. There are many benefits to building a divorce community. Check out our Divorce Coffee House community to connect and get support.

Start learning about the divorce learn process

No, this doesn’t mean staying up all night googling everything that can wrong in divorce. As part of staying in a good head space in divorce, educate yourself about the process you’re about to go through so that you go through your divorce feeling as calm and in control of your choices as possible. Consider taking an online divorce course focused on divorce finances, child custody issues, or a general overview for women. Knowledge is power! Being more “in the know” about legal aspects of divorce reduces worry and uncertainty and also sets you up to have an easier time working with your attorney.

Don’t let unmanaged emotions make divorce harder than it needs to be. Knowing what psychological issues to expect, and how you will deal with them, will make you feel in control and able to handle what’s ahead.

Divorce Coffee House is your community in divorce! You don’t need to go through the divorce process alone. Ask a Divorce Question or Join us on Facebook to get instantly connected.